Beautifully ugly.

The full set

The Wonky Gobs Bracelet

Grumbling Gloria, Winky Wendy, Bullish Beryl, Fuzzbucket Fiona, Chomping Cheryl, Gertie Goldtooth and Princess Gummy, kept in order by four rather glamorous teeth.

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Meet the charms

• 

  Grumbling Gloria

  Never smiles. Rarely wrong.

  Gloria has complained about every hotel she has ever loved. The pillows, the light, the view of the sea, which she found a touch showy. Under the scowl lives impeccable taste and a soft spot for whoever brings the good biscuits. Wear her when you need someone to raise an eyebrow on your behalf.

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• 

  Winky Wendy

  She saw that.

  Wendy has one eye, and it misses nothing. She winks at waiters, bishops and the occasional judge, and somehow gets away with all of it. A single front tooth gives her the air of someone who has bitten into far better parties than this one. Discretion is her love language. Gossip is her hobby.

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• 

  Bullish Beryl

  All bark. All bite.

  Beryl queues for no one and apologises for nothing. She once returned a soufflé for being insufficiently confident. Beneath the jowls and the mouthful of opinions sits a heart of solid silver, loyal to a fault and fiercely protective of her friends. If anyone tries it on, Beryl simply looks at them. It is usually enough.

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• 

  Fuzzbucket Fiona

  Big hair. Bigger teeth.

  Fiona has never had a bad hair day, only bold ones. Her blow-dry costs more than most cars and she considers the two buck teeth her finest accessory. She laughs loudly, tips generously and is always the last to leave the dance floor. Humidity fears her. So, frankly, do most hairdressers.

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• 

  Chomping Cheryl

  Skipped the small talk.

  Cheryl arrives hungry and leaves satisfied, usually with the last canapé. Those magnificent fangs are purely decorative, she insists, although nobody has tested the claim. Her teal brows were inspired by a Riviera sunset and a very good Negroni. She is warm, frank and wonderful company, provided dinner is served on time.

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• 

  Gertie Goldtooth

  Zero regrets.

  Gertie had one tooth done in gold years ago and has never stopped smiling since. The quiff is natural, darling, and so is the confidence. She has sailed with minor royalty and danced until breakfast. Her advice is always the same: invest in one beautiful thing, then grin about it.

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• 

  Princess Gummy

  Royalty. Roughly.

  Princess Gummy is fourth in line to a throne nobody can quite locate on a map. Her tiara sits at a jaunty angle, her teeth go in several directions at once, and her manners are flawless. She opens fêtes, cuts ribbons and never refuses a second slice of cake. Bow if you like. She will wave regardless.

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The spacers

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  Dazzling Doris

  One stone. Total commitment.

  Doris is a polished molar with a single sparkling stone, and she wears it like a tiara. Some say less is more. Doris says less is exactly the right amount, placed precisely where people will look. She keeps the charms in order, settles arguments and catches the light whenever anyone is about to say something interesting.

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• 

  Bling-Gob Bev

  Never knowingly understated.

  Bev took the phrase full set rather literally and had every surface covered in tiny stones. She sparkles at breakfast, glitters at lunch and is frankly blinding by dinner. Underneath the pavé she is a sweetheart who remembers everyone's birthday. Seat her by a window and enjoy the show. Sunglasses are recommended but not required.

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• 

  Polished Pauline

  Clean living. High shine.

  Pauline brushes twice a day, flosses with conviction and buffs herself to a mirror finish every morning. She is the calm between the characters, the cool sip of water between courses. Elegant, unflappable and quietly smug about her dental records. If the bracelet were a dinner party, Pauline would be the one who brought proper napkins.

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• 

  Mustard Mavis

  Yellow, not gold. Thank you.

  Mavis has been mistaken for gold so often she now corrects people before they speak. She is mustard, darling, the colour of a forty-year love affair with strong tea and English breakfasts. Thoroughly unbothered, gloriously stained and happy to be exactly what she is. She brings colour to the party, and a flask.

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The original

Iron Bite

Eight faces, no two alike, and not one of them on its best behaviour. Brushed silver, pink enamel and a Grillz McGob for good measure.

The faces, left to right: Peeping Percy, Goggle-Eyed Gary, Dozy Derek, Brushed-Twice Trevor, Tea-Stain Terry, Grillz McGob, Gobsmacked Gordon, Squinty Steve.

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The Prince edition

Iron Bite, Prince edition

The same rogues, with royal company. One link only wears the crown: King Harry, winking, tongue out, and entirely unrepentant.

The faces, left to right: Peeping Percy, Goggle-Eyed Gary, Black-Eye Barry, Brushed-Twice Trevor, King Harry, Gobsmacked Gordon, Grillz McGob, Squinty Steve.

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Mouths only

The Gnashers

A run of magnificent gobs and nothing else. Pink lips, creamy teeth, one tongue and a grill set with sparkling stones.

The faces, left to right: Sideways Sal, Gappy Gus, Yawning Yvonne, Big-Gob Brenda, Brushed-Twice Trevor, Grillz McGob, Cheeky-Chops Charlie, Lippy Linda.

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Meet the links

Every link is sold on its own as well, so you can build your own line-up.

• 

  Peeping Percy

  Always round the corner.

  Percy prefers to watch from the edge of things. Round the side of the bracelet, behind the curtain at the opera, just past the potted palm at a wedding. He sees everything and reports it in a whisper. His grin is gappy, his timing is excellent and his discretion is, admittedly, negotiable after a second sherry.

  Enquire to order

• 

  Goggle-Eyed Gary

  Can you believe it?

  Gary is permanently astonished. By prices, by the weather, by the fact that you ordered the fish. Those enormous eyes have taken in Monaco, Margate and most points between, and they are still surprised. Gary is wonderful company because everything is news to him. Tell him a story and watch him enjoy it twice over.

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• 

  Dozy Derek

  Resting his eyes.

  Derek is not asleep. He is resting his eyes, as he will tell you, mid-snore. One lonely buck tooth stands guard while he dozes through board meetings, cricket matches and at least one of his own birthday parties. He wakes up charming, well informed and somehow always in time for pudding. A true gentleman of leisure.

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• 

  Brushed-Twice Trevor

  Dentist’s favourite.

  Trevor has the cleanest teeth in the county and is not shy about it. Two minutes, twice a day, with an electric brush and a timer. He smiles at strangers, at cameras and occasionally at mirrors. He is the only link on every men's bracelet because everyone, frankly, needs one friend with impeccable standards and a firm handshake.

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• 

  Tea-Stain Terry

  Builder’s, two sugars.

  Terry has drunk eleven cups of tea a day since 1987 and has one mustard-yellow tooth to show for it. Yellow, not gold, he insists, and is oddly proud of the distinction. The tongue comes out when he concentrates, which is mostly during crosswords. Reliable, unpretentious and the first to put the kettle on.

  Enquire to order

• 

  Grillz McGob

  Fully loaded.

  Grillz McGob does nothing by halves. His teeth are set with sparkling stones, his sneer is strictly for show and his dinner jacket is always pressed. He arrived uninvited at a charity gala once and left with three phone numbers and the auctioneer's hat. Flashy, yes. Vulgar, never. He simply believes a smile should be an occasion.

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• 

  Gobsmacked Gordon

  Lost for words. Briefly.

  Gordon's jaw dropped in 1994 and he has not entirely recovered. He finds most things outrageous, delightful or both, and says so at length once he gets his breath back. His gappy teeth have seen a great deal and approved of very little of it. Wonderful at parties, where he provides a running commentary nobody asked for.

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• 

  Squinty Steve

  Reading the small print.

  Steve squints at menus, contracts and anyone who claims to have a good idea. One pink eyelid is permanently lowered in suspicion, the other is simply tired. His grin is crooked but sincere. He is careful with money, generous with friends and the only man alive who has read the terms and conditions all the way through.

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• 

  Black-Eye Barry

  You should see the other link.

  Barry walked into a door. Or a debate. The story changes with each telling and improves every time. He wears the shiner with the pride of a man who stood up for something, possibly the last sausage roll. Buck-toothed, big-hearted and marvellously indiscreet, Barry is the friend you want beside you at the bar.

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• 

  King Harry

  Crown. Obviously.

  King Harry crowned himself one wet Tuesday and nobody has had the nerve to object. The crown is gold, wonky and worn at a rakish angle. He winks at his subjects, sticks his tongue out at protocol and grants knighthoods for a decent joke. There is only one Harry on each Prince edition. He would not have it any other way.

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• 

  Sideways Sal

  Talks out of the side of her mouth.

  Sal's grin slides to one side, much like her opinions. She is the friend who leans in at weddings to tell you exactly what she thinks of the hat. Witty, warm and allergic to small talk, Sal says the quiet part out loud, but always with style. Somehow she is invited everywhere. Nobody dares not to ask her.

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• 

  Gappy Gus

  Mind the gap.

  Gus has more gaps than teeth and treats each one as a feature. He can whistle through them, sip through them and once famously posted a postcard through one. He has the easy charm of a man who stopped worrying about the dentist decades ago. Smiles at everyone. Means it every time. Bring him to any party.

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• 

  Yawning Yvonne

  Not bored. Just thorough.

  Yvonne yawns enormously and often, but never out of boredom. She is simply making room for her next opinion. She has dozed through two coronations and woken for the best bits. Her mouth is the widest on the bracelet and she wears it with great dignity. Do not mistake the yawn for weakness. She is merely limbering up.

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• 

  Big-Gob Brenda

  Lipstick first. Questions later.

  Brenda's lips are pink, her teeth are creamy and her laugh can be heard from the next postcode. She does everything generously: lipstick, compliments, gin. She once talked her way into the Royal Enclosure without a ticket and left with an invitation for next year. Brenda believes life is short, so the smile should be enormous.

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• 

  Cheeky-Chops Charlie

  Tongue firmly out of cheek.

  Charlie has never kept his tongue in his cheek for long. It pops out during speeches, photographs and serious conversations about pensions. He is the class clown who grew up to be quite successful and still cannot sit through a eulogy without a wink. Impossible to stay cross with. Everyone has tried. Nobody has managed it.

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• 

  Lippy Linda

  Pout perfected.

  Linda has a pout for every occasion and a comeback for every remark. She peers round the edge of the bracelet, lips pursed, waiting for someone to say something she can improve. Glamorous, quick and devastating with a one-liner, Linda is the friend who fixes your collar and your confidence in the same breath.

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